Frustration

What could be worse seriously. Literally fuck my life now lah knnbccb. I'm angsty, I'm grouchy and right now I can eat anyone alive. And I'm annoyed. You know why?

1. I'm super tired
2. I'm freezing
3. Fuck these groupmates of mine who just have this narrow thinking. Seriously, have you heard of thinking out of the box and improvising.
4. If another, "oh yah hor! Why I never think of that. Good idea." Comes out of your mouth, I will fucking slap your face and step on it. You wanna know why you never thought of it? Simple. You're stupid. I know my ideas are good stop irritating me.

Major bitchfit sorry can't help it. And you know what?! I regret telling you everything. Now you're so mother fucking uptight about everything. Seriously. How about getting me a tracking device and that's settled?! Seriously, cut me some slack before I really think I cannot take it. You don't realise but your constant calls just makes me feel like you checking on me. Seriously. I WANT SPACE!!!! Please... Not gonna ask for anything more. I'll go to school. I'll get my grades. Please just let me have MY SPACE. Thank you very much.

Irritant

Seriously, give me a fucking break. I don't know what the fuck more you guys want from me. My only freedom on saturdays, go home a bit later on fridays since school already started is wrong meh? I said will be home by 11 what the fuck more you want. Check one me, piss the shit out of me. Seriously. What am I? 10 years old ah? Since fucking young you all only control me. Ever thought of why I behave like this? Because you all control me like a dog it just makes me fucking annoyed and just wanna rebel. You all also never reflect. Last time ask to go out like want your life. Everything also cannot. Whereas your precious elder daughter gets everything the way she wants. At 18 she get to stay over at her friend's place. Just cos her friend's going to london. So the fuck what? If it was me you'll prolly pass a remark like 'your friend going overseas so what, not like she not coming back.' Seriously. You guys make things the extent where I just don't see a need to tell you anything. Since it always ends with disapproval. You think my sister's friends are angels? Please lah okay, I think I'm more real and truthful compared to her okay. At least you know how my friends are truly like. Please. And everyone is not as bad as you perceive them to be. There are many things I refuse to let known because of your stereotypical nature. Your character really like one fucking auntie. Seriously, say and night nothing to do just gossip gossip talk about people like you very perfect. Come on, no one's perfect. If you're so stereotypical, why would I wanna share anything else with you? Just so you can diss them further? Seriously. If you honestly dislike me so much, and hate me so much. Just drive me out. I will fucking show you I can still do well and get good grades on my own even if you're not there to support me. Even if you kick me out, I will still pay my own school fees. 3/4 of the things you've said to me since I can remember you telling me are all discouraging stuff. Seriously. From psle all the way till now. Please lah, sometimes your mouth really. Curse people like they're your own child and you always tell me what next time my kids will also be disrespectful. So does it mean that I'm like this and jiejie's like this just cos you were like this in the past? Now I know. I also hear you people talk about ah mah what. Behind her back. Say last time only know how to this that this that. So that's right?

I really am fucking sick of it. I don't even care if you fucking drive me out or don't care about me. Seriously. I'm so old already but you still treat me like a 10 year old. I'm fucking tired. Tired of trying to pleas everyone. Go school stress, go home still must stress. Seriously.. Why not just get me a leash? Oh and a collar to go with. Easier for you no? Fuckng hell. Why can't you just leave me alone like you leave my sister. I FUCKING HATE PEOPLE TO FUCKING CHECK ON ME. I WANT AND NEED SOME PRIVACY. Something I have never had in my 20 years of living. Take blogs for example. How many times I change url how many times you pry your way through to be a nosy parker about my things. Seriously. What you wanna know can ask. But like I said, everything I say you also dunno how to listen or appreciate. If you think your assumptions are so accurate. Stick to them. Stop wasting my time asking me this and that. Fucking serous waste of time. I got better things to do. You guys where got understanding. Anything only point fingers to me my fault. Never look at yourself whether you got wrong also not. You know who raised me? My grandmother. You came up with the money, but I'm sorry this is the sad truth of life. Nothing can buy back time or my childhood. As little as I saw you in the past, favouritism and your constant scolding didn't help very much. I'm thankful for you working so hard to feed me and raise me. But I am not a channel for you to vent your frustrations or anger. And one thing, you are a female too. Sometimes when I raise my voice or seem easily irritable, because of something called pre menstrual syndrome. I thought you'd know better. But it just shows how much you know me. And for one instance, you got what I liked and dislike to eat wrong. When I've told you a million times. I don't say, but I did feel a pinch. My own mother don't even know what I like or dislike to eat.

But honestly, I seriously fucking tired of being on a fucking leash. Right now, I just wanna be left alone. Because my mom is not understanding at all. Stereotypical and very much prejudice. She practically hates me and everything that's associated with me. Just so you know, people with tattoo doesn't mean they are bad or incorrigible. It doesn't make them gangsters or anything. I actually know a few people who are professionals who has tattoos. And please, father said he doesn't care if he's got tattoo or what, he knows now a days it's a form of art. As long as he treats me good and takes care of me and feeds me and clothes me, he is acceptable. And as far as I know, he meets all of these criteria. He is not as bad as you perceive to be. Plainly because you never once looked at him normally or tried to understand him. You look down on him and you are fucking prejudiced against him. You make me feel like you've been looking down on me too. Thanks. If you stop being so prejudice and stereotypical, you'll find he's a good person. He knows you told him to go to hell still tell me don't angry. Because you love me. Yah lah. You won't believe mah. How can someone with tattoo be so understanding and grown up. Please, stop it with your stereotypes. Even if you don't believe I don't care, precisely why I never even mentioned in thhe first place. I already expected your answer 'really meh, don't bullshit'. Really.. People know you prejudice and call names all and still can be so gracious and respectful. You are more than twice his age, and you're like that. I don't know. Sorry this post is out of anger, I'm full of it. So some things I say may be out of line, I apologise. But you drive me up the wall.

Privacy. One word, privacy.

I throw my hands up in the air some times, saying aye-oh, gotta let go

The last 3 days were nothing short of amazing. But so much has happened, so much emotions involved. I feel like a month has passed. Too much going on for the past 3 days for me to handle. No doubt it has been the best, but something's missing. I don't know but I feel like this will drag for the longest time. I didn't want to rush things, I didn't want this feeling to get to me.

But on a lighter note, my urge to eat on a constant mode has stopped! Rejoice! But I still think I eat a lot? Seriously, when you get stuffed with food for every meal, you won't think it's funny..

And my mugging seriously needs to start! Like seriously! I study but not mug. I need to be a bit more hardcore. HAHA ):

Dear statistics, please try to be gracious? I know I don't attend lectures or listen in tutorials, I haven exactly been your biggest fan. But I know I should now. I hope it's not too late. Please be kind to me, use only terms I am familiar with and I promise I will try to ace you. HAHAHA. And dear economics, management and accounting, even though I won't have much of a problem with you but please try not to come up with some funny stunt of a question? Let's just keeps things plain and simple! I will be forever grateful!

I need to start praying on a daily basis now. I really need to; starting tonight!

Beyond Words

In every being, there lies a monster. And I think I have a cookie monster in me. Omm nom nom. ): I seriously eat so much, it's not funny anymore. You know what sucks even more than eating yourself broke every friggin day? Putting on all the weight! You know I think I gain faster than I lose now. WHICH IS A FRIGGIN NIGHTMARE. I need to go on a chilli diet, boost them metabolism rate. Hehe

You know, it's already August. In no time, it'll be October and Shups will be back. (If you decide to come back straight and not go one roadtrips!!!) And soon it will be November and Zhiyi and Kim will be back too! I really cannot wait eh! Miss them so fucking much, you have no idea! ): by then we'd all go for all the food you've missed. Chomps to BK Eating House to sunset grill!

You see, my posts are very stagnant. They're always either about food, school, my grandma or angsty emotional posts. Walao eh. But I don't care.

After complaining last night that there isn't enough food at home for this hungry bitch, today I have so much food! Hehehe, I am sucha happy (FATFATFATTY) girl now. Meow meow.. Cant. Stop. Eating..... ): Need. To. STOP. PRONTO. Oh but you can never say no to birthday dinners. The food's always awesome. Like really really brilliant. :D Daddy's birthday dinner tonight. I must say, I haven had sucha hearty good meal in like a while. Mostly cos I always eat out on my own. The best time to have such a good meal is with your parents. HAHAHAHAHA. Hi mom love you. Okay I'm gonna get myself like snacks (at this time, I know right..) and hit the books. ):

Let me wrap my arms around you, let me take your breath away.

I'll take your every suffering moment and bring a better day

Hohoho, I haven updated in a while. Been too busy with nothing. Hiakhiak. Okay fine, exams are in barely 2 weeks, I don't even wanna talk about it. Ask if I'm prepared HAHAHA far from being prepared I swear. ): How... So many things to do, so little time. ):

Quick update, actually nothing much to update. I've been pretty much the same. Just better days ahead I hope. Can't wait for this God forsaken period to be over! PMS + stress totally don't go. I eat so much I really scare the fuck out of myself. And everyday, I literally eat myself BROKE. Broke okay, how can anyone eat themselves broke EVERY FUCKING DAY!! Oh goodness, need to do something before something or some part of me grows out of proportion.

Back to my fat ways, back to my fat clothes. I think I can permanently pack my skinny clothes away because I HAVE BEEN FAT FOR THE LONGEST TIME NOW. ): I don't want this to be permanent! I need to go swimming/running on a regular basis, PRONTO. But after my period comes. HAHA seeeeee, procrastination kills the cat. Laziness is the root of procrastinating. ):

If you think you can get something out of my facebook twitter or blog, you are very wrong. Don't think I don't know what you're up to. Stalk all you want, I wish you could get something out of all of this. I wish I could do something to help. But sadly I highly doubt I'd be of any kind of assistance to you. I hope you'll get what you want out of what you are doing. Something other than a waste of time, and the satisfaction of disappointment to things I cannot provide.

Random note that I always bring up: MY ENGRISH ISH DETERIORATING AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT. I really need to start reading again. Really start. Not just tell myself I need to. Because this time round, I REALLY NEED TO. My grammar is atrocious, and my vocab is unbelievable. I cannot even remember when was the last time I ever doubted my own writing, other than now. The last time I had to fucking read my work a second time to check for grammatical, vocabulary and spelling errors. I don't know. Maybe I have been increasingly absent minded and careless lately but that doesn't serve as an excuse for poor english! ): Depwessed to the fucking max.

Straw

You know what, who at the age of 20 still gets restricted the way I am. Seriously. How many people out there will be shocked whenever I say "oh I cannot do stay overs" They question if I'm really fucking 20 years old. Please.. Even other people in our family gets to stay at chalets. Cousins who are YOUNGER than me. I really don't get what the fuck you're so uptight about. Yah you say worry. My sister never ever came home since she was 19 I don't see you blaming her for causing you to lose sleep. I think you need to relax. This is the 21st century, go out there and ask all other 20 year olds, they've prolly been to countless countries with their friends by now. And seriously, don't need to keep threatening me about making me move out. If you wanna keep threatening me, one year back when I really went crazy and wanted to leave you ask me not to pack for what? Should've just let me go what. Save you all this shit heartache bullshit. You should know by now it's not I don't dare to move out, I am only respecting you. Can't fucking wait to turn 21. Seriously.

Trying to be perfect, trying not to let you down

All this binge eating has gotta stop! Okay actually it already stopped. I'm back to my normal diet. 1 meal per day which is more than enough for me. That 1 meal that I can't even finish. And no don't get me wrong. It's not that I don't wanna eat it's just that I'm not hungry and I really honestly don't feel like eating. C'mon look at me. I am the person who is least likely to say no to food. My control on food intake is really, epic fail. The past god knows how long, I've been happily eating eating until I put on so much I wanna die every time I set foot on the weighing scale. I feel like a real fat fuck. ): But I'm gonna pick myself up. And get out of those fat clothes. And I should prolly get more feel-fat-clothes. haiiiii. ): I feel depressed just looking at pictures of me just TWO MONTHS BACK. Not talking about 2 years hor. Two months only. KNN. ): okay quit complaining. I'm going back to my reports. Burn burn burn in hell.

I miss my lonely heart crub. We're all in different places nowwwwww.

This was so long ago, 2/3 years? We weren't even legal yet.